


i got secrets (that nobody, nobody, nobody knows).

by itsnotgillian



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, but it has feelings, it wasn't supposed to have feelings, really trashy i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-10 10:05:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7840552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsnotgillian/pseuds/itsnotgillian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Honestly, fuck Asian traditions and close family ties.</p><p>(Joshua and Jeonghan aren't supposed to be together, but they make it work.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello!! i'm baaaaack :)))))
> 
> so midterms just finished + i saw svt in person last 160814 like oh my god they're actual people who are living and breathing and my emotions could not be contained for days.
> 
> anyways, i've been meaning to write this for a while now and i finally got around to doing it. a lot of people over at twitter were requesting for jihan so, tadaaaaa! very short but i've just missed writing so much, i just needed to put something out ;;
> 
> also, i know jack shit about the corporate world. but i tried. i really did.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~why i called jisoo joshua in this, i do not know~~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know the signs when I see them." -Mrs. Hong, 2k16

“Joshua, are you coming along or not?”

Joshua tries to bite down on the sarcastic remark that was threatening to break through his lips as he feels a twinge of annoyance momentarily prick at his chest. His mother really couldn’t have chosen a better time to hurry him up. 

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute,” Joshua turns away briefly from the mirror in front of him. His mother’s standing in his doorway, dressed smartly in her usual blazer and pencil skirt, a thick folder and her bag clutched in her hands.

“We can’t afford to be late. We’re meeting with the Yoons again, you know.” Mrs. Hong leans against the doorframe, a tired look in her eyes. Joshua can sense the exhaustion in her voice and he suddenly feels a bit sorry for making his mom wait.

“I know,” Joshua replies nonchalantly, turning back to the mirror and straightening out his tie one last time. He looks at his mother, his shoulders coming up in a small shrug. “How could I forget?” 

 _Especially when…_  

Joshua’s phone vibrates in his pocket and he immediately pulls it out. It’s a text. 

From Jeonghan. 

 _i’ll see you later, yeah?_  

Joshua locks his phone and smiles up at his mom, as if he didn’t just read the message that was sent to him by his parents’ business rivals’ son. 

“We should go.”

 

~

 

“I have a presentation to show the higher-ups, so it would really help if you’d actually stay in the conference room for once.” Mrs. Hong’s heels were clicking loudly against the marble floor and Joshua has to double his pace in order to keep up. 

Mrs. Hong gives him a sideway glance. “I don’t appreciate you missing the past few meetings because you ‘needed some coffee’. I know you, Joshua. You hated coffee up until a few months ago when you started interning for us.” Something in his mother’s voice tells Joshua that he needs to come up with better alibis in the future. “So, please, try to remain seated at least for the duration of my presentation.” 

Joshua clears his throat as he remembers the weak as balls excuses he had to give his mother just so he could ditch the business meetings and participate in much more secretive endeavors. He believes it’s not entirely his fault; the way Jeonghan ever-so-slightly loosens the tie around his neck as he (not so) innocently eyes Joshua from across the table sends shivers up Joshua’s spine every time. Jeonghan would be the one to get up first, eyes asking for permission to go from his father, who was almost always seated at the head of the long conference table. Mr. Yoon would only nod before going back to whatever he was doing. 

Joshua, on the other hand, would practically have to plead silently to his mother. Mrs. Hong would always ask him what business would be more important than the meeting, her eyes flashing dangerously in Joshua’s direction. Joshua would feel like a kid, whining to his mom about something he wanted, but his slacks were growing tighter by the minute, and if he didn’t leave immediately, the sudden tent in his pants would raise bigger questions. 

Every time, his mother would let him leave, but not without a momentary iron grip to his forearm and a silent ‘ _We’ll talk later._ ’

Funnily enough, they never talked about it. 

“Sorry,” Joshua smiles sheepishly at his mom, hoping that his somewhat close relationship with her outside of work would be enough to let him off the hook. “I’ll make sure to stay.”

Mrs. Hong nods and rewards Joshua with a smile. “Thank you.”

 

~

 

Joshua fiddles with the pen in his hands as he sits there, trying to absorb whatever it is his mom’s presenting, and at the same time, he can feel Jeonghan’s eyes burning holes through his head, but Joshua knows better than to look up at him. He promised his mother he’d stay, and Yoon Jeonghan would only be the cause of him breaking that promise.

Instead, Joshua stares at his mother, noting the way her shoulders seem to tense up as she converses with Jeonghan’s father. Their businesses have always been rivals, but being part of a larger sector of interrelated companies, the two establishments have been forced to collaborate more than once. Fresh out of college, Joshua and Jeonghan’s situations were exactly the same: whisked away from their respective fields of interest just so they could work part-time for their family company. _‘It’s for experience,_ ’ both sets of parents would say. _‘Just in case you decide to take over._ ’ 

“Mr. Yoon, the statistics never lie. We’ve conducted our research and the data speaks for itself. If we push through with this joint—“ 

“I’m not doing it. I absolutely will not. My company has been operating independently for years, only accepting shared financial partnerships when absolutely beneficial and necessary, and as I see it, this is not beneficial nor necessary for me _at all_ , Mrs. Hong.” Joshua visibly grimaces at the way Mr. Yoon cuts his mother off, his hands balling into fists on his lap. The other delegates with them start to murmur among themselves and the sudden buzz in the room irritates Joshua even further. 

“Dad,” Jeonghan begins. “I think we should let Mrs. Hong speak. This is _her_ presentation, after all.”

For once, Joshua lets himself look at Jeonghan. The latter smiles at him, and Joshua smiles back in thanks.

Mr. Yoon huffs loudly, but he’s already reclining back in his seat. “Continue,” he says curtly. 

Mrs. Hong nods appreciatively at Jeonghan before picking up where she left off.

 

~

  

“Don’t you want to get some lunch with me, Josh?” Mrs. Hong asks as she’s putting away her laptop. Joshua looks up from the used coffee cups he was collecting and shakes his head. 

“That’s okay. I’ll just head over to the cafeteria myself.” With that, he eyes Jeonghan on the other side of the room, where he’s busy organizing papers that were handed to him by his father. 

Mrs. Hong nods before walking out of the room, leaving Joshua and Jeonghan alone to themselves. The moment the door closed, the sound of a folder being slammed down rang loud in Joshua’s ears. All of a sudden, Jeonghan is rushing towards him, a hand held out in front of him as if reaching out for Joshua. 

The force by which Jeonghan pulls him closer is enough to knock the air out of Joshua. 

“You’ve been awfully distant today.” Jeonghan whispers, his breath ghosting over Joshua’s face. 

Joshua sighs. “I promised my mom I would actually listen this time.” 

“It didn’t look like you were listening.” Jeonghan’s hands come to a rest on Joshua’s waist. “If anything, I would say you were trying to avoid me.” 

“I was,” Joshua confirms. “Because you’re a distraction.”

Jeonghan smirks at this. “And you just _love_ being distracted, don’t you?” 

Their lips press together in a less-than-innocent kiss and Joshua’s chest suddenly floods with relief, all the impatience he was holding in flowing out of his body like some sort of rapidly flowing river. Joshua’s hands are on Jeonghan’s face, his hands firmly holding the latter in place as they continue to move against each other, heated skin rubbing against heated skin, even through the layers of clothes. 

Jeonghan has Joshua pressed against the wall when Joshua pulls away, lips shiny and red.

“It’s not really safe to do this here,” Joshua breathily says. Jeonghan ignores him. 

“Since when did we do safe?” Jeonghan grins wickedly against Joshua neck before biting down at the spot right above Joshua’s collar. Joshua groans at the feeling of teeth sinking into his flesh, an involuntary jolt traveling right through him. 

Jeonghan pulls away and heads for the door, and not even a moment later, the lock clicks into place. He rushes back over to Joshua, pulling him towards the large table in the middle of the room. 

“You’ll be quick, right _Jisoo_?” Jeonghan practically purrs as he settles himself on the edge of the table, hands already working on undoing his belt. Joshua gulps at the use of his other name, loving the way it rolls off Jeonghan’s tongue. “We have to hurry before my dad decides it’s time to leave.” 

Joshua swallows again before moving forward to claim his place between Jeonghan’s legs.

 

~

 

“Woah, okay, man. I get it, your sex life is amazing but can you, like, make it less obvious that you’re banging someone in the _office_?” Soonyoung speaks up from where he’s seated at one of the tables in the cafeteria. Right next to him is Mingyu, who is too busy scrolling through his phone to even notice Joshua’s arrival. 

“Jesus Christ, Soonyoung, do I have to remind you my mother works here, too? I don’t want her hearing about that stuff.” Joshua slides into the bench across them, carefully setting his lunch down on the table. 

“ _Exactly_. You’re fucking in the same building your mom works at. And I don’t think she needs to hear about it. One look at you and she’d know.” Soonyoung’s laughing now and Joshua just rolls his eyes. 

“So, who is it?” Mingyu finally puts his phone down, leaning forward to look at Joshua with questioning eyes. “Are they hot?” 

Soonyoung snorts. “Obviously they are, or else Joshua here wouldn’t be risking his status as company heir just to get in their pants.” 

“Forget it, I’m not telling you.” Joshua begins eating, meaning to ignore his two curious colleagues. 

“Why not?” Soonyoung whines.

“Because!” Joshua begins. “You run your mouth all the damn time.” 

Soonyoung looks highly offended. “I do _not_.” 

“You do, actually,” Mingyu pipes up from the side, nodding his head. Joshua joins in, giving Soonyoung a pointed look for emphasis.

“I can’t believe you two.” Soonyoung shakes his head. “You two are assholes. Both of you. Assholes.”

  

~

  

“Tell me, do you have a girlfriend?” 

Joshua almost chokes on his own spit as he hears the words leave his mother’s mouth. He looks at her from the passenger side, eyes wide and his forehead creased. 

“No,” he answers quickly. “Where did that come from? It was Soonyoung, wasn’t it?” 

“Oh, please.” Mrs. Hong shakes her head. “I don’t eavesdrop on interns.” 

Joshua bites his lip. This is it. The time has come, and his mother is finally probing into his romantic and sexual life. He really shouldn’t have moved back in with her. Honestly, fuck Asian traditions and close family ties. 

“A boyfriend, then?” Mrs. Hong sneaks a peek at him and Joshua can feel his whole face heat up. He was _not_ ready to have this talk with his mother. 

“Mom—,“ Joshua tries to explain. 

“I’m just saying, I know the signs when I see them.” They come to a stoplight, giving Mrs. Hong the perfect chance to fully look at Joshua. She reaches over and holds his hand in her own.

“You can tell me. I know it’s overused, but you can tell me, Joshua.” 

Joshua draws out a long breath as he weighs his options. He can come clean right now and hope that his mother understands, but there are no guarantees, or he can lie to her face and potentially make the problem even bigger. Joshua watches as the light turns green, and his mother gives a defeated sigh. She pulls her hand back and places it on the steering wheel as she drives. Joshua feels bad for leaving his mother in the dark, so he decides to just go for it. 

“It’s…it’s Mr. Yoon’s son, Jeonghan.” Joshua holds his breath as he anticipates what his mom has to say. 

“Wait, what? _What_?” Joshua hears the rising panic in her voice and he can’t stop himself from groaning out loud, his face hidden in his hands.

“This is exactly what I was afraid of.” Joshua feels sick to the stomach. He already knows what’s about to happen next. 

Mrs. Hong is silent for a few moments, and in those few moments, Joshua's already planning on how his life would be without the support of his parents. He was ready to move back out, start a new life, and forget he even had a family. 

“Well.” Mrs. Hong’s voice is a lot quieter and Joshua’s not sure if it’s a good thing or not. “I can’t do anything about that now, can I?” 

“I mean,” she continues. “The heart wants what the heart wants.” Pause. “Unless, it’s not the heart that wants it.”

“Mom!” Joshua cries out. “Don’t say stuff like that. It’s weird and totally gross coming from you.” 

“You’re a fully grown man, Joshua. I’m pretty sure this topic shouldn’t be embarrassing for you anymore. Trust me, I’ve been there.” 

“ _Mom_!” 

“Alright, alright.” Mrs. Hong sounds mildly exasperated. “I’ll let you know that Mr. Yoon isn’t a very nice gentleman, but if you see something in his son, then who am I to judge?” 

Joshua couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was his mother actually okay with this whole ordeal? 

“Who knows, the two of you might even be the ones to finally put this whole rivalry to rest.”

 

~

  

“I told my mom, you know.”

Joshua’s sure Jeonghan didn’t hear him the first time, because all he got was a sleepy groan in reply. Joshua pulls Jeonghan closer to him, the latter’s hair tickling his neck and chin. It was days like this wherein Joshua would wish things weren’t so complicated. Having Jeonghan there by his side, all tangled limbs beneath the sheets, is what Joshua enjoys and treasures the most. 

“You told her what?” Jeonghan says into Joshua’s naked chest, his voice still heavy with sleep. 

Joshua hugs Jeonghan even tighter. “I told her about us.”

Jeonghan jerks away from Joshua, his expression a mix of surprise, fear, and disbelief. 

“And? What did she say?”

“She’s cool with it. I mean, it’s obvious she’s been avoiding me these past few days, but I totally understand. It takes time to get used to these things, especially given our circumstances, but at least she didn’t kick me out or anything to that extent.” 

Jeonghan relaxes slightly, his shoulders losing their previous tension. He curls up against Joshua once more as he presses feather-light kisses on his collarbone. 

“I think my father would disown me the moment I tell him about...this. He’s just so hell-bent over the whole passing-down-the-business-to-me thing, and I don’t think I can drop this bomb on him that easily.” 

“Why don’t you just tell him you don’t want it?” Joshua offers. “I know it’s not easy, but he let you choose art as your major in college, he doesn’t really expect you to waste away at a corporate job, does he?” 

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan sighs, sounding defeated. “I guess I’m just preparing myself for the worst case scenario. I’d have nowhere else to run.”

“You have me,” Joshua says simply. Jeonghan snorts, but Joshua knows he’s just trying to play it off as usual. “We’ll make it work.” 

“You are cliché as fuck, Jisoo.” Jeonghan weakly hits Joshua in the chest. “But, I like it.” 

Jeonghan sits up, his hand coming up to brush the hair away from Joshua's forehead. “I’ll think about it, though. This kind of thing needs more than a moment’s thought.” 

Joshua nods, reaching up to cup Jeonghan’s face in his hand. He leans forward to press a kiss onto Jeonghan’s lips, gently pushing him back down onto his back. Joshua pulls away, the gentlest of smiles on his face.

“You have all the time to think about it,” Joshua assures him. “But, right now, I just want you to feel.” 

Joshua’s hand travels down Jeonghan’s bare side. “I want you to feel this.” 

Joshua lets his fingers play along the waistband of Jeonghan’s boxers. “And this.” 

His fingertips lightly graze over Jeonghan’s crotch, eliciting a soft sigh from the latter. 

“And…this.” Joshua palms Jeonghan through the thin fabric, and Joshua’s thankful that his mother isn’t home to hear the sinful moan that just escaped Jeonghan's lips.

  

~

  

“You’re not allowed outside of the conference room, _at all_ ,” Mrs. Hong informs Joshua as they walk down the hallway. She seems to be in much more of a rush today, so Joshua has to jog this time around. 

“And you’re having lunch with me. No excuses,” she adds.

“Mom, you said it yourself, I’m an adult, I don’t think you really need to—“

“You think I don’t know what goes down in this building?” She interrupts, flashing Joshua a look. “I told you, I know the signs when I see them.”

Joshua comes to a halt, too stunned to continue walking. Mrs. Hong doesn’t even stop as she continues down the hallway, leaving Joshua to his own panicked thoughts.


	2. two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn't expect your mother to be this nice to me."
> 
> "I didn't, either."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops this wasn't supposed to happen but it did lol
> 
> this whole thing is a train wreck from the beginning, i apologize. so now, watch as i try to salvage what's left of this story ajdfnasjkdfn

“You’re totally shitting me right now.”

Soonyoung scoots closer to Joshua, the mechanisms on the wheels of his office chair clattering loudly as he rolls across the floor. He leans towards Joshua from the other side of the desk, eyes wide and jaw hanging open. 

“You’re seeing _Yoon Jeonghan_? Are you fucking serious right now?” Soonyoung rests his chin on his hand as he continues to watch Joshua work on the computer. Joshua side-eyes him, a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Do you want photographic proof?” Joshua raises his eyebrow suggestively, to which Soonyoung responds with a look of horror on his face. 

“Okay, I don’t need to see his nudes.” Soonyoung pushes himself away from Joshua’s desk and back to his own table, a pile of paperwork teetering dangerously on the edge. “But, damn, this sounds like a storyline for a really shitty porno. Wait, have you done it in here?” 

Joshua balls up a badly photocopied file and chucks it at Soonyoung. “Hey, watch it.” 

“Alright, jeez.” Soonyoung throws the paper into the trash bin situated at the corner of the room, whooping loudly after it goes right in. 

“Does your mom know?” 

“Yeah,” Joshua replies with a shrug. 

“Holy shit,” Soonyoung mutters. 

“How about _his_ parents?” Soonyoung’s toying with an empty stapler now, the noises from the small metal contraption filling the room. 

Before Joshua could answer, Jihoon, another fellow intern, walks in with a mug of coffee and his usual scowl. Soonyoung perks up at the sight of him and nearly stumbles out of his chair.

“Good morning, Jihoon!” Soonyoung watches as the latter settles on the desk across him, his expression unchanging.

“Good morning,” comes Jihoon’s curt reply. This seems to be enough for Soonyoung, though, because he’s grinning as he discreetly sends Joshua a thumbs-up. 

Joshua returns the action just to humor Soonyoung before turning back to his laptop screen.

 

~

  

Joshua’s about to head out for lunch when he suddenly hears the door to the room slam open and quickly close right after. He looks up, and it would be a major understatement to say that he was surprised at what he saw. 

“Surprise,” Jeonghan singsongs, an easy smile playing on his lips. Joshua laughs and immediately moves towards his boyfriend, his mouth easily finding Jeonghan’s. 

“What are you doing here?” Joshua asks after they pull away. 

“My dad has some business to take care of,” Jeonghan replies, pulling Joshua closer by his belt loops. “I asked if I could come along.” 

Joshua snakes his arms around Jeonghan’s waist. “Missed me already?” 

Jeonghan giggles at that. “Of course.” 

“What if your father comes looking for you?” Joshua carefully brushes Jeonghan’s fringe away from his face, tucking it behind his ear. Jeonghan’s eyes soften at the sudden tenderness in Joshua’s actions. 

“He won’t. If he needs to, he can text or call me.” 

Joshua nods before tilting his head to the side. There’s a sudden silence that comes over them and Joshua can’t help the next words that come out of his mouth. 

“Will you tell him?” 

Jeonghan seems to tense up just the slightest when he hears this, and Joshua’s suddenly afraid that he’s said the wrong thing, but there seems to be no trace of anger on Jeonghan’s face; only the tiniest bit of fear. 

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan admits.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Joshua reaches behind Jeonghan to rub his back in an up and down motion. Jeonghan shakes his head.

“I want to, I really do. I’ve gone to, like, five job interviews now, just in case I get fired and/or thrown out.” Jeonghan seems to shrink in Joshua’s arms, suddenly smaller and less sure than he usually is. Joshua pulls him closer until Jeonghan’s head is rested on his shoulder. 

“Just remember, I’m here to help,” Joshua whispers against Jeonghan’s hair before pressing a kiss against his scalp. 

Jeonghan buries his head in the crook of Joshua’s neck. “Thank you.”

  

~

 

“How’s Jeonghan doing?” Mrs. Hong casually asks one morning as she’s making breakfast. Joshua has to pause for a moment to make sure he heard her right. 

“He’s—uh—he’s doing okay,” Joshua begins carefully. “Why?” 

Mrs. Hong turns away from the stove and fixes Joshua with a serious look. “Nothing. Can’t I ask about my son’s boyfriend?” 

Joshua can feel the burn in his cheeks as she says this. 

“Honestly, Joshua,” she continues. “I don’t hate you, if that’s what your thinking. I’m just—,“ Mrs. Hong pauses. “—trying to figure this whole thing out.” 

Joshua smiles wistfully to himself. “Mom, even _we_ don’t have this whole thing figured out.” 

Mrs. Hong sets down a plate next to Joshua’s mug of coffee. “That’s why I’m trying,” she says pointedly. “I don’t want to be that heartless, bystander mother that watches her kid struggle with his problems. You’re my only child, I can’t do that to you.” 

Joshua looks at his mother with a new kind of wonder. Since when was she so open about her intentions to help him? Sure, she’s always been supportive, but she’s never outwardly expressed herself this much before. 

Mrs. Hong studies him from across the counter, as if trying to assess the situation at hand. “I’m here for you, you know that right?” 

Joshua has to fight back the tears prickling at the back of his eyes. 

“Yeah, of course I do.”

 

~

 

It’s another one of their joint business meetings, and unlike the last time, Joshua doesn’t try to avoid Jeonghan’s gaze at all. If anything, he’s the one that can’t keep his eyes off Jeonghan. 

Jeonghan, of course, takes notice of this. 

Mr. Yoon is drawling on and on about stocks and sales and frankly, neither Joshua nor Jeonghan are particularly interested. They continue their little staring contest until a voice brings them out of their shared little bubble. 

“Jeonghan,” the voice says. “Jeonghan.” 

Jeonghan turns his head and what meets him is his father’s intense eyes. The whole table is turned towards Jeonghan, and Joshua could see the sudden panic in his face. 

“I asked for your opinion about what we should do with this situation, but I can see you’re not listening. As usual.” Mr. Yoon clasps his hands tightly on the table in front of him, his mouth pressed into a thin line. Joshua can’t believe what he’s hearing. Jeonghan’s own father was reprimanding him like a child in front of respected businessmen and there’s nothing he can do about it.

Joshua finds his own mother’s eyes and he practically begs for any kind of interference. Mrs. Hong only gives a small shake of her head. This is their matter. There’s nothing she can do. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Jeonghan stumbles over his words. Joshua wants to reach out, but he holds himself back.

Mr. Yoon gives a disappointed huff before carrying on. Joshua steals another glance at Jeonghan, but he wasn’t looking anymore. His eyes were downcast and Joshua can feel the embarrassment and shame from across the table. 

It’s not long before the meeting is adjourned and all of them are released from the room. All except one.

“Jeonghan, I need to talk to you.”

It’s Joshua that tenses up at these words as he’s gathering the remainder of his things. Mrs. Hong looks at Joshua and motions towards the door with her head. Joshua nods and hurriedly exits, his mother not far behind. 

“You should’ve known better than to do that in the middle of the meeting,” Mrs. Hong says after they’re safely out of the conference room. “You should’ve just left like you usually do if you’re going to undress each other from across the table with your eyes like that.” 

“But—“ 

“I mean it, Joshua. You’ve got my full support, but I’m still your boss. Remember that,” Mrs. Hong says with an air of finality before walking off towards the elevators. Joshua sighs as he eyes the door to the conference room. He’s sure that Jeonghan’s not coming out of there any time soon. Joshua decides it’s best for him to just leave.

 

~ 

 

Joshua gets the call later that night as he’s messing around with his old guitar. His phone vibrates from his desk and Joshua can clearly see the name ‘Jeonghan’ flashed across the screen. He reaches over and presses ‘accept’. 

“Jeonghan?” 

“I told him,” Jeonghan says without missing a beat. “I told him and he said I should move out again. I’m on my way to your place.” 

Joshua bites his lip as he listens to this. There’s no trace of sadness or anger or fear in Jeonghan’s voice and that’s what scares Joshua the most. 

“Wait, wait, wait. Is that, like, for good? Did he tell you to never come back again?” Joshua gets up from his bed before rushing out the door. He’s running down the stairs when he hears the living room TV still on, his mother comfortably perched on the couch. Joshua stops at the foot of the stairs, debating on what he should do next. 

“I don’t remember.” Jeonghan’s voice is quiet. “Just, please. Let me stay over. Just for tonight.” 

“Okay, okay,” Joshua replies. His mother hears him and immediately turns around to look at him. There’s a questioning look on her face and Joshua’s suddenly unsure of what to tell her. 

“Just—just text me when you get here.” 

Jeonghan hangs up without so much as a goodbye and Joshua quickly locks his phone after that. He stands there, looking at his mother with a fearful expression in his eyes. 

“Was that Jeonghan?” Mrs. Hong asks. Her face is unreadable.

“Yeah.” Joshua’s voice feels like it’s caught in his throat. He coughs once, mind racing with all the things he wants to say. “His father just kicked him out and he’s planning on staying the night here.”

Mrs. Hong gives Joshua a long, hard look. Almost a minute passes before she speaks up. 

“Alright,” she says, getting up from the couch. “I’ll bring out some extra pillows and blankets. He can stay in your room if he wants.” 

Joshua’s mouth hangs open. Could this be? His mother wasn’t even asking any questions. 

“What?” Mrs. Hong asks as Joshua continues to stare at her. “I’m not about to turn him away. You can forget about what I said today. I told you, I’m here for you. And not just you; for him, too." 

Mrs. Hong stalks off towards the laundry room to retrieve the pillows and blankets and at the same time, Joshua receives a text. 

 _i’m outside your door. help me, i’ve got luggage._

Joshua rushes to their front door, undoing all three of its locks before swinging it open to reveal Jeonghan standing there, shoulders sagging and ehad hung low. His hair is disheveled and he’s wearing a large sweater and faded black jeans. Joshua notices the large suitcase next to Jeonghan and immediately reaches for it, rolling it over the threshold.

Joshua barely has time to straighten up when Jeonghan sinks into his arms, face pressed into Joshua’s neck. Joshua holds him close, leaving no space between them, until Joshua can feel the beating of Jeonghan’s heart against his own chest.

Joshua hears footsteps from behind him and they immediately pull apart, their heads turned to where Mrs. Hong was just coming into the room. 

Jeonghan shuffles further away from Joshua before bowing. Joshua watches as Mrs. Hong regards Jeonghan with pursed lips. 

“Mrs. Hong, I—“ 

“It’s okay, I know.” Mrs. Hong walks towards Jeonghan, a stack of blankets and a pillow resting on her arms. “Here, take these up to Joshua’s room.” 

Jeonghan bows again and takes the blankets from Mrs. Hong. Joshua hurriedly pulls Jeonghan’s suitcase towards the stairs, leading him straight to his bedroom.

 

~

  

“I didn’t expect your mother to be this nice to me,” Jeonghan says once they’re settled in Joshua’s bed. They’re lying on their sides, their breaths fanning out at each other’s faces as they whisper amongst the darkness. 

“I didn’t, either.” 

Jeonghan pulls the covers tighter around him. “I’m sorry I’m making you do this.” 

Joshua shakes his head. “No. Don’t apologize. I want to do this; I want to help you.” 

Jeonghan reaches up to rest his hand against Joshua’s face, his thumb running over his cheek. Jeonghan leans in to kiss him, their lips gentle against one another. There’s a look of apprehension on Joshua’s face as they pull away. 

“I’m just worried about you.”

Jeonghan smiles for the first time tonight and Joshua can’t help the tugging at his heart when he sees this. 

“You’re always worried about me,” Jeonghan reminds him. “But, you said it yourself. We’ll make it work.” 

Joshua moves closer to place a kiss on Jeonghan’s forehead.

“We will. I know we will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have schoolwork but this has been eating away at my insides all day i needed to get this out jesus christ someone save_me_bts.mp3


	3. three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you regret it?"
> 
> "Regret what?"
> 
> "Us."
> 
> "Never."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> half feelings, half sin ahahahaha
> 
> enjoy ㅋㅋ

He’s the first thing Joshua sees when he wakes up; dark hair in a tangled mess, shoulders hunched over as he sits on the edge of the bed, his head bowed low. Joshua can see Jeonghan’s phone pressed to his ear and he can hear the hushed tone of his voice. Joshua turns over on his side, studying the back of Jeonghan’s head. 

“I can’t tell you where I am…Of course, I trust you, but…” 

Joshua moves closer, making it clear that he’s awake, his fingertips grazing Jeonghan’s back. Jeonghan flinches, but he only glances back at Joshua for a second before he’s turning away again. Joshua frowns as he sits up, occupying the space beside Jeonghan. 

“If dad doesn’t want me to come back, then there’s nothing I can do about that…I’m fine, I swear. I’ll call again when I can.” Jeonghan looks over at Joshua and immediately twines their fingers together. “I’m with…I’m with Joshua.” 

Joshua watches as Jeonghan says goodbye to the person on the phone, eventually hanging up and shoving his cellphone under one of the pillows on Joshua’s bed. 

“Who was that?” Joshua’s careful when he asks, aware that Jeonghan might not want to indulge him with information at the moment.

“My sister,” Jeonghan sighs, eyes downcast. “She was going crazy, asking where I am and if I’m ever coming back.” Jeonghan snickers. “I asked her what dad had to say and she said he never wanted to see me for the rest of his life. I guess I’m never stepping foot into that house ever again. Unless I have some sort of death wish, which I don’t.” 

Joshua sits there, unable to form proper words. Looking at Jeonghan at this moment tugs at his heart painfully, the empathy he has for his boyfriend filling his chest.

“I-I’m sorry,” is all Joshua can say. He brings a hand up to smooth over Jeonghan’s hair, fingers lightly brushing away at the strands that fall over Jeonghan’s face. 

“It’s whatever. I needed to move out sooner or later.” Jeonghan shrugs, leaning closer to Joshua. Joshua pulls him in, both of his arms wrapping around Jeonghan’s shoulders. Joshua doesn’t point it out, but this is the most vulnerable Jeonghan has ever been in front of him. Joshua’s suddenly overwhelmed at the thought that Jeonghan trusts him enough to reveal this side of himself.

“Do you regret it?” Joshua asks after a moment. He can feel Jeonghan’s breath on his chest through the thin material of his t-shirt. Joshua adjusts himself so Jeonghan’s head is tucked under his chin. 

“Regret what?” 

“Us.” 

Jeonghan pulls away, and Joshua can see the creases on his forehead. 

“Of course not. Never.” 

It’s Jeonghan’s turn to pull Joshua to himself, hands on either side of Joshua’s face. They stay there, eye to eye, their faces barely inches apart.

“Hong Jisoo,” Jeonghan says Joshua’s full name with such immeasurable emotion, it almost brings Joshua to tears. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, believe it or not.” 

“But—“ 

“I had as much to do with this as you did. We both chose to do this. We chose each other. And I will never regret choosing you.” Jeonghan brings their faces closer until they’re kissing and Joshua’s heart practically soars. 

Just then, a knock on the door breaks them apart. Joshua hurriedly stands to open it.

“Could I interest you both in some breakfast downstairs?”

Mrs. Hong is standing on the other side of the doorway, clad in a thick bathrobe and bedroom slippers. Her arms are crossed but her face is nowhere near unkind. Joshua can smell the bacon off of her and he nearly shoots forward to pull her into a hug. Joshua settles for nodding, instead. 

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll be down in a minute.” 

Joshua closes the door and turns back to Jeonghan who has his head tilted to the side, a curious look on his face. 

“I hope you’re ready to see what my mom is like in the morning.” 

 

~  

 

“I’m assuming I can trust you with my house,” Mrs. Hong says as she pulls a coat over her office clothes.

“Of course,” Jeonghan answers, nodding. He fiddles with the house keys in his hands, unable to look up. 

“You can help yourself to whatever food is there,” Mrs. Hong adds. “And if you need to leave the house, just text me or Joshua. You have my number, already. Right?” 

Jeonghan nods again. 

Joshua watches the exchange from the kitchen as he pours his coffee into a thermos. Seeing his mother and Jeonghan interact is still strange, but it isn’t really an unpleasant sight to see. If anything, it’s something Joshua wouldn’t mind getting used to. 

“Joshua, let’s go,” Mrs. Hong calls out before rushing out the door, car keys in hand. Joshua finishes up in the kitchen, jogging over to where Jeonghan is standing near the front door. 

“You’ll be okay, right?” Joshua asks, hand resting on the small of Joenghan’s back. 

“Yeah.” Jeonghan smiles. Joshua’s glad he isn’t as miserable as he expects Jeonghan to be. “I’ll just check if I’ve gotten replies from any of the employers of those five interviews I did.” 

“If you did, let me know.” Joshua gives Jeonghan a quick peck on the lips before walking out.

 

~  

 

“Hey, man. You live in an apartment building, right?”

Soonyoung looks up from the papers on his desk and quirks an eyebrow at Joshua. “Yeah, why? You moving out again? ‘Cause there’s an empty unit right next to my place.” 

“No, not me. A friend of mine,” Joshua lies. Unfortunately, Soonyoung sees right through him.

“It’s Jeonghan, isn’t it?” Soonyoung grins wickedly. 

Joshua pinches the bridge of his nose, gently massaging at the bone. “How did you know?” 

“You don’t have any friends other than us.” Soonyoung snickers. “And I don’t hear about either Mingyu or Jihoon needing a place to stay.” 

“I have other friends,” Joshua says defensively. 

“Oh, yeah. I forgot. The rich, privileged ones back in California.” Soonyoung shoots back. 

“Hey!” 

“I’m kidding, jeez.” Soonyoung throws his hands up in some sort of surrender. “Seriously, though. Does Jeonghan need a place to stay? I can try talking to my landlord about holding the empty unit off for a while.” 

“Really?” Joshua can’t believe Soonyoung isn’t asking any more questions. 

“Yeah,” Soonyoung nods. “The building’s pretty decent, if you ask me, even for someone like Jeonghan.”

Joshua raises an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, you know, I assumed he was born with a silver spoon up his ass, just like you.”

“You really need to stop with the offhand comments about us being rich,” Joshua shakes his head, mildly annoyed.

Soonyoung gives him one of his infamous smiles, the one where his eyes completely disappear into nothingness. “I have one condition, though.” 

Joshua’s eyes narrow suspiciously. “What is it now?” 

“You have _got_ to treat me to samgyeopsal one of these days. I haven’t had it in like, a year.” Joshua can see the hunger in Soonyoung’s eyes even from ten feet away. 

“Dude, samgyeopsal’s expensive.” 

Soonyoung shoots him a look. “As if that was ever a problem with you, being one of the big bosses’ son and everything.” 

“Hey, what did I just say?” Joshua warningly points at Soonyoung. Soonyoung just smiles innocently. 

“But if pork is all that’s gonna take to get my boyfriend a decent house, then why not?”

 

~  

 

“I have some good news,” Joshua says as he’s undoing the buttons on his dress shirt.

Jeonghan walks over and replaces Joshua’s hands with his own. “Me too, actually.” Joshua’s shirt comes undone and Jeonghan slowly pulls it off his shoulders. 

Although mildly suggestive in nature, Joshua’s caught off-guard by the domesticity of the action. Like they’re a married couple that’s been living together for years and taking each other’s work clothes off has been a habit they’ve developed.

“You go first.” Joshua reaches out to pull Jeonghan closer by the waist. 

Jeonghan smiles up at Joshua, arms snaking around Joshua’s neck. “Two of those five jobs I applied for sent me an e-mail back.” 

“And?” 

“And,” Jeonghan continues, voice low, as his hands start to work on Joshua’s belt. “They want me to come back to negotiate on my salary and other things.” 

Joshua tries to keep his voice steady and as cheery as possible when he feels Jeonghan pull on his zipper. “Really? That’s great.” 

The previous thought of domestic life is suddenly erased from Joshua’s mind as his hands start to wander up and under Jeonghan’s shirt. 

“How about you? What’s your good news?” Jeonghan quirks a brow, one side of his mouth turned up in a smirk. Jeonghan’s lips part in a gasp, however, when Joshua scratches lightly along his back. 

“I found you an apartment,” Joshua whispers before he trails his lips along the bone of Jeonghan’s jawline. “From what I heard, the place is pretty good.”

Jeonghan pulls away, eyes suddenly bright, and a hint of a smile on his face. “I think you’ve officially won the title of ‘Best Boyfriend on the Planet’.”

“Are you gonna buy me a mug for that?” Joshua teases, pulling at the string of Jeonghan’s sweatpants.

“Sure,” Jeonghan shrugs. “But, first, I’m gonna need you to fuck me. Like, right now.”

Joshua doesn’t need to be told twice.

 

~ 

 

“You found a job _and_ a place to live in?” Mrs. Hong asks in disbelief over their dinner-turned-midnight-snack. “I’d say you’ve won at life.” 

Jeonghan smiles to himself. “It’s mostly Joshua’s doing, though.” 

“Always the gentleman,” Mrs. Hong looks over at Joshua and gives him a smile that says, ‘ _I’m proud of you_ ’. 

“And that—“ Joshua gestures to his mom with his fork. “—is mostly mom’s doing.” 

Jeonghan laughs, Mrs. Hong joining soon after, and Joshua marvels at how easily the two of them have gotten along. It’s like the universe was telling him that Jeonghan was _the one_. Not that Joshua believes in that, anyway. But he wants to. 

“Okay, enough,” Mrs. Hong says after a moment. “I need help with the dishes.”

It doesn’t take much to get the kitchen cleared up, and before they know it, Joshua and Jeonghan are ready to retreat back to Joshua’s bedroom. 

“Hold on, can I borrow Joenghan for a minute?” Mrs. Hong asks as they’re about to exit the kitchen. The two men share a look before Joshua turns to his mother, an eyebrow raised. 

“Why?” Joshua questions.

“Because,” Mrs. Hong reasons out. “I haven’t had a chance to talk to him yet.” Joshua opens his mouth to protest.

“ _Just_ him,” his mother cuts in.

Jeonghan looks over at Joshua and laughs. “We both can’t disobey your mother, can we now?” 

Joshua makes a sound that’s half groan, half sigh.

“Just don’t scare him away, okay?”

 

~

 

It takes another half hour for Jeonghan to walk into Joshua’s room, two large cardboard boxes in his hand. Joshua rushes over to take one.

“What’s this?” Joshua gives the box a little shake, much to Jeonghan’s horror. 

“Don’t! Those are plates and bowls.” Jeonghan sets one of the boxes down. “Basically, your mother gave me a bunch of stuff for my possible new apartment.” Jeonghan takes the box out of Joshua’s hands. “She said these are old and aren’t being used anymore, so it seemed fitting to give them to me.”

Even Joshua is floored at his mother’s generosity. “Wow,” is all he could say. 

“The two of you have been so nice to me, it kind of makes me feel like I don’t deserve any of this.” Jeonghan’s face is solemn as he says this, and Joshua has to fight the urge to wrap him up in a blanket and coo sweet nothings into his ear.

“Don’t say that.” Joshua grabs Jeonghan’s hand and grips it tight. “You deserve everything good this world has to offer, if you ask me.” 

Jeonghan laughs, bright and clear, the corners of his eyes crinkling up. 

“It’s good that I have you, then.” 

Joshua cringes and shakes his head, but he can feel his cheeks starting to heat up. Jeonghan hits him playfully on the chest, and before they know it, they’re giggling like two excited children. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Jeonghan says after they’ve calmed down. His expression is serious, but his voice is still light. “Do you want to move in with me? I mean, not now, but someday.” 

Joshua blinks, trying to find the right words to say. 

“It’s just, I don’t want it to be _my_ place. With everything you’ve done for me, I kind of feel like we should share it, you know? Make it ours.” 

Joshua’s silent for almost a minute, his heartbeat loud in his ears. He lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

“Of course.” Joshua nods. “Of course, I’ll move in with you.” 

Jeonghan grins before engulfing Joshua in a hug, squeezing so tight Joshua can hardly breathe. But, it’s okay, because in this moment, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

  

* * *

  

“Is that all of it?” Jeonghan asks as Joshua sets another box down near the doorway of their apartment. 

Joshua dusts off his hands on his jeans before answering. “Yep. I have some other things to pick up from my mom’s place, but that can wait till tomorrow.”

“Good,” Jeonghan sighs. “Because I’m tired.” He plops down on the small couch they bought a few weeks back from a small thrift shop in Myeongdong. “Moving is such a pain, I could sleep for the next few days if I could.” 

Joshua squeezes himself beside Jeonghan, the latter’s head automatically resting on Joshua’s chest.

“We’ve finally moved in together,” Joshua says quietly, his fingers drawing circles on Jeonghan’s back. Jeonghan reaches up to cover Joshua’s mouth. 

“Sshh, please. None of that sentimental shit right now.” Jeonghan straightens up, tugging on Joshua’s hand. “Come on, I know what we can do to ease our tiredness.” 

Joshua looks at Jeonghan quizzically. Jeonghan just jerks his head towards the general direction of the kitchen. 

“The kitchen counter looks comfortable enough,” Jeonghan says with a wink. Joshua catches on and immediately bursts out laughing. 

“Seriously?” Joshua asks, but he’s already following behind Jeonghan. 

“Seriously.”

They’ve managed to get both of their shirts off, Jeonghan resting atop the counter with Joshua in between his legs, when they hear loud knocking coming from the front door. 

“Your welcoming committee has arrived!” 

Joshua recognizes Soonyoung’s voice and immediately groans, lips detaching themselves from Jeonghan’s neck. 

“Not now, Soonyoung!”

There’s a moment of silence before Soonyoung yells back. 

“Oh! Oh, okay, sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt the christening ceremony.” 

Jeonghan giggles, leaning back and resting his elbows on the counter. Joshua rolls his eyes and looks over at Jeonghan. 

“Should we get him acquainted?” Joshua asks with a gleam in his eye. Jeonghan nods. 

“We should.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading and sticking with this garbage bag of a story ajdfnasjkfn 
> 
> i'll be working on a few more fics now, so stay tuned for that!


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